


no place is home but times they are changing

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Pansexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, alternate version of buck begins, mentions of daniel buckley, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of doug kendall, so will contain spoilers, will add characters as they start to appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29612556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Maddie and Evan have spent five years running from Hershey, moving from one place to another whilst looking over their shoulders before they make the decision to settle in LA. If not for them, then for Maddie's four year old daughter. Buck finds a home, easily, within the 118, who welcome all three Buckley's into their family.They're happy, they're home but Maddie knows, if she has to run again, she'll have to leave them both behind.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 51
Kudos: 155
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

Maddie smiles as she feels the tiny hand in her own, the two of them looking up at the building in front of them before she takes a deep breath. It still feels like a dream sometimes, that they had actually found a place to settle after five years of adventures all across the country - Georgia, Oregon, Montana, Virginia - just to name a handful of the states they had been, the places they had visited, the beauty that had seen and the peace they had found eventually. 

It had taken three years for Maddie to stop looking over her shoulder, to stop thinking he was going to walk through the door at any given second but still, she’d felt as though they couldn’t stop running and her brother had accepted it without judgement or anger. They had each other and her daughter had them and that was all they needed in the world. Until the realisation hit that Isabella would need to settle in a school, she was getting to the age where she had started to realise that she was missing out on something every single time they packed their bags and left for the next place. She had no friends, she had no one really, beyond Maddie and Evan and the various friends they made along the way but quickly left behind the moment they felt as though they had stayed too long. 

They’d picked up some odd jobs, she’d watched her little brother try his hand at everything before they’d come to LA whilst she had flitted between waitressing jobs. Not exactly what she had gone to nursing school for but it was cash in hand, easy to move from one place to the other without leaving a trace of her behind. Maddie’s eyes look down at the four year old, without leaving a trace of  _ them _ behind. Because really, Isabella was all that mattered in the world and if Doug ever found out about her, she doesn’t know what she’ll do. 

She’d kept an eye on his social media, had a little contact with a friend she had once worked with back in Hershey, although he knew nothing of her life or of her daughter. Just to keep her wits about her, just to make sure that if Doug made a move out of Pennsylvania, she’d know. Or at least… she hoped she would know. 

Maddie takes a breath, knowing she has to step forward at some point before her daughter simply combusts from the level of excitement she’s exhuming right then. She and her brother were so used to running, to only having each other, so the fact he’d found a home with the LAFD was bittersweet. It kind of felt like a goodbye when it probably shouldn’t. She supposes that she misses him having him around in probably the most selfish way possible. He’d been her rock since they’d escaped Hershey and never looked back but now he had found his place in the world, just as she had always wanted him to. It wasn’t just the three Buckley’s against the world anymore. No, he had a family outside of her, away from her. A family he wanted to bring together finally after putting it off for a few weeks since he’d started at the 118. 

“Okay, Isabella,” It’s with a smile that she kneels down so she’s looking her in the eyes, “I know it’s really exciting but I need you to be careful, okay? It’s a big place with lots of trucks around and you need to stay by me or your uncle at all times.” Big brown eyes meet with her own, before the little girl nods her head with the biggest grin on her face. As much as Maddie missed having her brother around, the child they’d both raised together missed her Uncle even more. 

Still, Maddie can’t quell the nerves that remain in the pit of her stomach when she stands back up and walks with her daughter towards the door. This was a good thing, she tries to remind herself, her brother was happier than she had ever seen him before and him finding other people that he could count on didn’t mean that their relationship would change for the worst. It’s just…  _ different _ and something that’ll be easier once she’s started her own new chapter in LA at the dispatch centre. Another thing that was her brother’s idea when she’d burst into tears one night, because she missed  _ helping _ people but the thought of working in a hospital where she couldn’t always watch who was coming in, was too terrifying. 

She hates Doug for doing this to her, for making her live a life she had never planned on, just so she could live. Because she knows, even though five years have passed and he may have found someone new (she says a prayer for that potential person in her head every day, hating herself for it), he’d never let live another day if he ever found her. She’d seen true evil in his eyes more than once when his hands would wrap around her throat and she’d wonder if that was when he was going to do it. 

There were more than a handful of times when she’d almost begged him to just end it, hoping she could find peace. 

But then there was hope in the sound of a little heartbeat after she’d refused to look at the screen, never thinking for a moment that the baby Doug hadn’t even known existed, would have survived his wrath from the night he’d found her packing a bag so she could leave with her brother. Maddie knows, more than anything, that he’d have happily murdered their child as a punishment if he knew. She was going to go back, Maddie can still remember sitting in the hospital bed, clutching her broken arm, every part of her body pulsating in pain. She was going to go back to him to protect her brother but then she’d thought about how the baby growing inside of her needed her to fight. 

And that’s exactly what Maddie had done when she’d run from the hospital, practically throwing herself in front of her brother’s…  _ her _ jeep just in time to stop him from driving off. And now here they were, five years later, stronger than ever. She hopes, anyway, because this is risky. Settling is risky, finding jobs and people that they love makes them both vulnerable to whatever Doug has probably planned for the last five years if he ever sets eyes on her again. 

“Mommy, look!” The happiness in her daughter’s voice is worth it though, Maddie quickly deduces, because as much as she wants to keep on running, it’s not a life. Not for a little girl, anyway, who wants to go to school and have friends and be surrounded by a group of people beyond her uncle and her mother. It’d be a lie if she didn’t feel as though they had made the right decision, especially not when she had seen how proud Evan - or Buck, as he preferred to be called now - looked in his uniform for the first time. How accomplished he’d felt that he could finally help people in the way he had always wanted but could never quite put his finger on. 

They had both been lost for such a long time but when she hears his laughter and sees that spark in his blue eyes, she knows he’s found himself again. And maybe she can, too, if she gives LA the same chance he has. If not for him and not for herself, then most definitely for her daughter. “Bellarina!” The enthusiasm in her brother’s voice is enough, for now, to stop the racing thoughts in her own head, letting go of her daughter’s hand so she can run to the man she misses so much. 

Her heart feels light as she watches the four year old wrap both of her arms around his neck before he lifts her up and holds her tight. And she knows, more than anything, that she made the right decision to leave when she had because she doesn’t know what kind of person her little girl would have grown up to be if she’d stayed in Hershey. Every home they’d had over the last few years had been filled with joy, love and more laughter than she could have ever imagined. She and Buck were determined to give her the childhood they’d never had and finding a permanent home had been a part of that. 

Just because settling in LA was the right thing to do, it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t stop the nightmares that she hadn’t had in a while, it didn’t stop her from tensing every single time the door knocked or the panic she felt when she was home alone. It’d get easier, that’s what Buck tells her, anyway, and he’s happy. So she could be happy, too. 

He does look so handsome and proud in his uniform, that swell of big sister love rushing through her when he shifts the smallest Buckley to rest on one side so he can wrap an arm tightly around her when she reaches them. “This is my sister, Maddie and my niece, Isabella. Ella, she prefers Ella at the moment.” She’s used to be around people, at work, but the pressure is there because these are the people who have her brother’s back every single time they’re on shift together and she’s heard nothing but wonderful things about each of them. 

She can decipher who is who from the descriptions he’d given her, politely smiling and shaking the hand of each one until her eyes linger on the man she knows to be Chimney, although he stammers out a “I’m Howie,” in a way that makes Hen laugh and Buck stare in confusion, before she shakes his hand, cheeks flushing. 

“Maddie.” She blurts out, entire face heating up because he absolutely already knows that considering her brother had done the relevant introductions but his hand is still in hers and he’s grinning at her. The kind of smile that puts her at ease almost immediately, pulled only from him by the sound of her brother clearing his throat and of her daughter giggling, letting her hand drop with an awkward laugh. 

“I hope you both like spaghetti,” The Captain, Bobby, finally breaks the awkward silence with a knowing smile on his face, “because we have plenty to go around.” Ella is the first to enthusiastically nod her head, although suddenly shyness seems to take over as she dives her face into her uncle’s neck, causing both Buckley’s to smile before everyone starts to walk towards the table. 

Maddie hangs back, for just a moment, biting down on her lip as she watches her brother joking around with his new friends, settling his niece down onto a chair whilst everyone fusses over her and she seems so happy. It breaks her heart, but Maddie knows, this is where her brother belongs, and if she has to run again, it’ll have to be on her own for the first time. 


	2. Chapter 2

Maddie smiles as she walks into the apartment, feeling immediately settled by the sound of laughter. It’s hard to get used to the idea of this being home, looking around at the pictures they had put up, parts of themselves and the lives they had lived scattered around the apartment for the first time since they’d ran from Hershey. They’d always been prepared to run without a moment’s notice, to pack everything they needed in a few bags and just leave it all behind. But this was different and still, every single time she looks around, it feels unfamiliar. 

What  _ does _ feel like home and always has, is the sound of her daughter giggling as she runs towards her with Evan - or Buck now, she supposes - not too far behind her. “Oh my goodness, I missed you so, so much.” It’s with a grin that she wraps both of her arms around her and lifts her up, pressing kisses all over her face as though she hadn’t seen her in so long when it had only been an eight hour shift. Her first one as a dispatcher, the first time she actually felt as though she was doing something of use, to help people after so long of just floating around from one job to the next. She’d missed being a nurse, but she knew she couldn’t go back to that, always looking over her shoulder, waiting for the day he found her. 

Dispatch… it felt safe. She was just a voice on the end of the phone but she could help people. She could put that knowledge she had to good use. It stopped mattering how hard she had worked to get to where she had been before she and her brother had left Hershey behind. The only thing that mattered in the world was the little girl she held in her arms, she was the reason she was standing where she was right then, safe with her brother. Isabella was the reason the last five years had moments of joy when Maddie knows that the alternative could have turned out so differently. 

“Did you have a good first day?” 

Her eyes meet with his, seeing the nervous look on his face, because both of them know how much they have riding on her feeling settled. He loves LA, he loves his job, he loves his team and Maddie loves seeing him happy and her daughter, knowing they weren’t about to pack up in the middle of the night for seemingly no reason, would be able to make friends her own age. Maddie takes a breath as she nods her head, “It was only training but I think it’s… I-I think it’s going well?” She didn’t have to look up every time the door opened, her heart didn’t stop every time she caught sight of a tall, brunette man from behind. 

She and her brother had always been close, circumstances had driven them together whilst tearing them apart from their parents. There were eight years between them but she’d always done her best to be there for him, even when it felt impossible. Begging him to leave five years ago was her way of protecting him from himself, from their parents, from Doug, from her, from the truth. Him asking her to go with him had been unexpected, as had the fact that she had said yes and the hope she had felt that night was the first time she had felt genuinely excited in so long. 

And then she and Isabella could have died and Buck had been her one safe place in the midst of so much darkness. She’d taken his hand and they’d run and now they were closer than ever. The two Buckley’s - no,  _ three _ Buckley’s against the world and they’d do anything to protect each other. Most of all, Maddie knew that Isabella had  _ two  _ people on her side who would die for her without a second thought. 

That feeling of safety washes over her when her brother wraps an arm around her shoulders, with that massive grin on his face, “You’re a Buckley, you’ll be running the place before you know it.” It’s enough to make her laugh, rolling her eyes as she presses her forehead against her daughters, nudging their noses together, trying to remind herself that they were doing all of this for her. So she could have a good life, with friends and more people in her corner than just the two of them. 

Still, the thought of remaining in one place for too long had made sleep difficult, the paranoia that had slightly eased was back with a vengeance. Five years was a long time to be on the run, surely it was time for him to let her go. He could just  _ never _ find out about the little girl, because as much as he made it clear he never wanted children, Maddie has no doubt in the world he’d use her as a weapon if he knew of her existence.

“You go tuck her in, I’ll have a glass of wine and some food waiting for you.” Maddie can remember being terrified at telling her brother the truth of her marriage, vastly underestimating his emotional maturity or maybe just how much he loved her. She has no idea what she would have done without him fighting right alongside her for the past few years, holding her hand through every up and down, putting his own life on hold for so long. All she can do is hope that he was right about this; LA would be good for them and it was time to stop living their lives in fear of Doug and start actually  _ living _ .

She smiles at him before she walks down the hallway towards the first real bedroom Ella had ever had. It wasn’t huge, it wasn’t anything special but it was hers. It’s with a sigh that she places the four year old in her bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “Are you happy?” Maddie whispers, running her fingers through her hair, looking into brown eyes so much like her own. 

Her own apprehension, every ounce of anxiety, every time she jumps or can’t sleep, none of it matters if Ella is happy. It’s with a bright smile that the little girl nods her head, “With mommy and Uncle Evan.” 

“Always.” She mumbles, although she’s not entirely certain it’s true - she has it all prepared if Doug ever comes looking, even a bag packed and hidden in the back of her cupboard. Ella would always have her Uncle because it would be safer with him than it would be with her. “Mommy loves you so much, sweet girl.” It’s with a deep breath that she moves to tuck her in, leaning down again to press another kiss to her nose and then her forehead, “Only the best dreams for my favourite girl.” 

“Love you, mommy.” 

She waits until her eyes are closed and her breathing evens out, carefully brushing her fingers over her forehead before she slowly creeps back out of the room, knowing she would happily sit there all night to make sure she was safe if she was given half the chance. It’s with a sigh that she walks towards the living room, “She’s asleep.”

“Gives us a chance to talk.” She hates when he goes serious, noting the look on his face as he pushes the glass of wine towards her. “I know you’re not fully on board with this plan yet, Maddie and I hate the idea that I’m forcing you into something you’re not ready for but I’m also terrified that you’re going to take Ella and leave… and I don’t want to do this without you and I definitely don’t want you doing this without me, not after everything we’ve been through.” 

Maddie gulps down the lump in her throat as she moves to sit next to him, shifting uncomfortably in her seat as she opts to fixate on the glass in front of her instead. “I’d never take Ella from you.” She mumbles, although she knows that he’s not going to accept just her leaving, as much as she knows it’s the only plan she has. “You and her can have a good life here.” Just the thought of leaving her daughter and her brother causes a burning ache residing in her chest before she leans forward to take the glass. She longs more than anything to see Isabella grow up but she knows that her best chance of growing up is if Doug can’t get anywhere near her. 

“I know you’re scared but it’s been five years, Maddie, he’s probably…” He’s cut off by her snapping her head up to look at him because she knows that he will never give up. He’d promised her that if she left him, he’d kill her and she believed him. Ten years of her life had been spent loving him and some of it had been good, he’d been gentle and kind and loving but it was all laced with the everything that had come after. Every threat, every bruise, every broken bone. It’s only because her brother is prying the wine glass from her trembling hands that she even realises that she’d been too caught up in her own thoughts, in a life once lived and a life she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to move on from. They’re married, and unless she files for a divorce, they’ll always be married. And she can’t do that because then he’ll know where she is and so far, the great unknown is for the best. 

Her brother is quick to take her hand in his own, “Listen, we have been alone for five years. Just the three of us against the world, right? Buckley’s for the win?” She nods her head a little, finally looking up at him, “But we don’t have to be alone anymore, Maddie. We don’t have to keep looking over our shoulders because now we have people… we have a family.” She wants to correct him that  _ he _ has a family but she knows it’s not true. The 118 had made it clear that as Buck’s sister, she was an extended part of their fire family and with that came family meals and parties and loyalty. More loyalty than she had ever thought possible. “I know you’re used to always having a plan, always looking for the next place to hide at, always ready to go with a moment's notice but… we can’t live like that for the rest of our lives and I know it’s not what you want and I know that you don’t want to leave that little girl behind. You are her entire world and she’s yours, you’re an amazing mother and you don’t deserve to be alone. If he comes,” His hand is tight in her own, “we’ll have people and that’s more than he has. But you can’t keep waiting for him to turn up, you’re making yourself ill.” 

Maddie knows he’s right, that it’s better to have people behind them than it is to just keep running. But more people means more people who could possibly be in the line of danger and that terrifies her. “When did you get so wise?” He’d grown up more in the last five years than she had ever thought possible, into the kind of man who knows what he wants and had fought so hard to go after it. She had never seen someone more determined than he had been to make it to the LAFD. She reaches her other hand out to rest on top of his, biting down on her lip before she finally moves to rest her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know how to stop running.” 

“It’ll take time but we have plenty of it.” The smile on his face is wide when she pulls back, and his eyes are alight with more joy than she has seen in so long. “And you know what, if this isn’t working for you, in… six months, we’ll leave. The three of us.” 

She doesn’t want him to have to leave anything behind for her but she knows he will, no matter what. So, she nods her head and smiles at him anyway, pushing away so she can reclaim her wine, “Time.” She mumbles, lifting her glass for a toast against his bottle of beer, grinning when he repeats the word. 

Maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s all she needs.


	3. Chapter 3

Isabella hasn’t stopped talking since she’d picked her up from school and the excitement is contagious. It’s been her first week of school and she’s made friends, a lot of friends by the sound of it, kids who were enthralled by the many stories she had to tell about the place she had been. To the little girl, it had just been her life, moving from one place to the next, she had no clue of the danger they were running from. And Maddie hoped she never would have to, although she knows there might be questions she’ll have to answer when she’s old enough. 

“I can’t believe we get to go to a party tonight, can you, mommy?” Maddie stares up at the house when she pulls up outside of it, trying to quell her own nerves at the amount of cars outside. She had promised her brother she would try to be a little more social, that she would open herself up more to new situations. And apparently, tonight’s situation was hanging out with the people he called family. 

Nervous would be putting it lightly; these are the people her brother spends at least fifty hours a week with and the people they love. They all know each other, they all have that bond already and she already feels like an outsider, always watching and waiting for a reason to leave. But that feeling is always dissipated when her daughter is looking at her as she is right then, with bright eyes and a huge smile, her cheeks flushed. And it’s also overtaken by the joy her brother has when he tells her of a rescue, or of a funny story that happened at the station. Everyone is starting to settle, except her and the guilt is more immense than she could ever put into words. 

She supposes she’s used to living on the edge, it’s as though her body can’t let go of that feeling, always waiting for the opportunity to leave. “Mommy?” She pulls herself from her thoughts to look at the little girl, sitting there in her bright yellow dress that she has so carefully chosen for tonight. Her long, dark hair was back in a french braid, with flowers braided through, and a little eyeshadow as a treat. She was definitely overdone for a simple family get-together on a Friday night but what Isabella wanted, Isabella got. A tiny hand moves on top of hers and she hadn’t even realised she was trembling until she looks down, biting down on her lip, “It’s okay, mommy. Uncle Evan is there and he always keeps us safe.” She’s wise way beyond her almost five years and that only causes another wave of guilt to wash over her when she’s looking into her eyes. 

Every decision she had ever made was for her, so she could suck up whatever nerves are pulsating through her right then and walk into that damn party and at least pretend as though she’s having a good time. Because that’s what her daughter wants and really, she feels as though it’s the least she can do. 

“I know, baby, I know.” And with that, she moves to get out of the car, taking a deep breath as she does. Her brother was already there, the 118 had come straight from work and she had purposely tried to arrive late so she wouldn’t have to be there without her support system. She just doesn’t find it as easy to fit in as he does and she wishes she knew how he did it, how he made it look so easy, and maybe she had been able to do that at one point but what feels like a lifetime of secret keeping and regret has taught her that she needs to be a little more closed off. Luckily, he hadn’t followed in her footsteps in that regard; she’d gotten him out of Hershey before he could crumble under the pressure of their parents. She could see him starting to break, she could see the way he was struggling at only twenty-one. Getting him the hell away from Hershey was the best decision they had ever made, she doesn’t want to imagine what would have become of him or his life if he’d stayed there any longer. 

Overwhelming relief is what she feels when it’s her brother that opens the door to her, a bottle of beer in his hand and a grin on his face and he’s so in his element that it brings her more joy than she ever thought possible. She can still remember that lost, angry little boy who so longed to feel as though he belonged somewhere, with a group of people he could call a family. He belonged with her and Isabella but this… this great, big extended family he’d found himself wrapped up in, that was something special. Something neither of them had ever had. “You actually came.” There’s only a slight teasing edge to his voice because they both know she had little to no choice from the moment he had mentioned it in front of the little girl. But she can see the relief in his own eyes too when he picks his niece up and hands Maddie the half drunk bottle of beer so he can lift Isabella onto his shoulders. 

“Didn’t really have much of a choice.” She gestures to her daughter, taking a sip of his beer as her nose scrunches up. Maddie can remember being more sociable than she currently was, she supposes she’d gotten used to a life of solidarity. It was the three Buckley’s against the world for so long, it was hard to see him open up his life and his heart to other people. It was hard to see him call other people family… maybe even in a slightly jealous way because she’d made perhaps one or two friends in her time in LA and whilst she loved Josh, and working with him, she’d never met him outside of work. 

“You are going to have a great time.” He holds Isabella with one hand before he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. “Come on,  _ Chimney  _ is here.” There’s a knowing smirk on his face, especially when the mere mention of the other man's name is enough to cause her cheeks to flush. She had seen him a few times in passing here and there since their initial introduction at the station and she’d be lying if she said that she hadn’t thought about him being here tonight. Even though she had left her husband over five years ago, it had been a long time since she had actually felt  _ something _ for another person. Even if she wasn’t entirely certain what that thing was beyond coyness when she was around him. 

Buck stops suddenly, to get Isabella down once they reach the bottom of the stairs and Maddie can already see everyone has congregated in the yard and the music is playing, people are laughing. They all seem so genuinely happy to be there, to be around each other, it’s refreshing. “Listen, Mads, it’s okay to feel… things… for someone, you know?” It’s that serious tone to his voice that makes her gulp and turn towards him, wrapping her arms around herself as she shrugs her shoulders. “Why don’t you actually try and hold a conversation with him instead of acting like a teenager? And have a drink,” He moves his hands to her shoulders, jiggling her a little as she pouts as she drops her hands to her side instead, “ _ relax _ . Take it easy. You might even have fun.” 

“Mommy doesn’t have fun!” That innocent comment shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, looking down at her daughter as she bites down on her lip. It’s not even as though her daughter was wrong, Maddie spent way too much time looking over her shoulder and believing that Doug was waiting for her around every corner to ever allow herself to loosen up. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had gotten a little tipsy outside of the safety of wherever they were living at the time and only ever if her brother was home, too. 

Buck scoffs, “Mommy can have fun, Bella Boo, she just gotta loosen those shoulders,” She groans when he turns her around to face the glass doors, beyond which the party was thriving, dancing her from one side to the other, “and she’s gotta smile and maybe, just maybe, stop waiting for the storm to come.” 

That’s enough to make her freeze, her smile that had been forming so quickly dropping because she doesn’t know how to stop. It had been five years, Isabella had only had near to five years of life and that wasn’t enough to stop working so hard to keep her safe from Doug ever finding out she exists. “This is the next chapter of our story, Maddie, and  _ if _ the storm ever does come, look at all those people you could have fighting with you if you give them a chance.” No one knows her in the way her brother does, she can’t imagine ever grappling through life with another person and if he trusts them, maybe she can, too. He pushes her gently, whilst Isabella takes her hand with a huge smile on her face. 

“It’s okay, mommy, you said making friends was fun, ‘member?” She did say that, she said a lot of things to her daughter that she didn’t actually follow herself but maybe it was time she did. She takes a breath, squeezing the tiny hand in her own a little tighter before she walks outside, content in the knowledge that her brother is right beside her. 

Casual introductions are made to each of the people she had met before, until her eyes linger on a man she knows must be the new guy, the entire reason they’re all there celebrating in the first place. The man her brother hasn’t shut up about in the entire nine days since he’d started. One thing she doesn’t know, however, is if her brother has told anyone of his pansexuality, so it’s with a polite smile that she extends her hand for him, “Nice to meet you, Eddie.” She pretends not to notice the pink flush of her brother’s cheeks, choosing the kinder option right then when her attention is turned to the other Diaz. Her brother had mentioned that Eddie was a single parent too, to a nine year old boy with CP. 

“And it’s really nice to meet you, Christopher.” She leans down to grin at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek in a way that makes the little boy laugh before she pulls her four year old in front of her. “This is Isabella,” She gets a look from her, rolling her eyes as she grins, “Ella. This is Ella.” Maddie just feels grateful that despite the age gap, there’s someone else new because everyone else has grown up together and she knows how difficult it can be to feel like an outsider.

It takes barely five minutes for the two of them to leave the adults, chatting amongst themselves before Christpher decides he’ll be the one to say hello to the other kids running around whilst Ella hides a little behind him with a shy smile on her face. Her eyes meet with Eddie’s for a second, smiling awkwardly back at him whilst her brother talks about a call they went on and how calm and collected the other man was. She supposes to anyone else, it’s expected of her to feel some sort of kinship or attraction to the man standing in front of her - they were single parents, both of them were new to LA but she’s pretty sure that’s where their similarities end and she’s entirely certain that feeling  _ anything _ for him would break her brother’s heart. 

Even if he would never admit to that out loud because he’s more of a one night stand, no commitment, never settling down kind of guy. But things change, this is their new chapter, right? And although she’s never known her brother to show any interest in anyone in a long time, her sister senses are tingling. Maybe it’s not subtle, but she takes an awkward step back as she bites down on her lip, glancing between the two men. “I-I’m gonna find… Chimney. You’ll keep an eye on Isabella, right?” She glances around for the two kids, watching as Christopher grins and talks to two young boys as Isabella stands next to him, shyly moving her body from side to side as she clasps at her hands behind her back. 

Her brother gestures with her head behind her, his grin bright, “Go get him, girl.” It’s with a wink and a nudge that she rolls her eyes, giving Eddie a small smile, before she leaves the two of them to it. 

Taking a deep breath to try and calm herself down before she walks over to where Chimney is, laughing at something Hen is saying. She almost turns around, nerves almost getting the best of her before there’s a slight gap in conversation and, she takes a step forward, “H-hi. Sorry, I-I don’t know many people here and--” He’s staring at her, and Hen has a smirk on her face that she can’t quite decipher and she’s filled with regret until he smiles. It’s bright; the kind of smile that makes her heart skip a beat, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at herself because she’s thirty-four years old and not sixteen. 

“I’m glad you made it, is Isabella here?” She looks around for her daughter, eyes settling on that bright yellow dress before she points, watching her for just a moment. It’s good to see her happy and surrounded by kids, the shyness forgotten as she chats with the boys, the biggest grin on her face. 

Hen looks over, “That’s my son, Denny, why don’t I go check on them whilst you two… catch up?” It’s a poor excuse, even Maddie can see right through it as she backs away from the two of them, shooting a not so subtle wink over at Chimney before she walks over to where the kids are. Maddie watches for a second, shifting from one foot to the other as she tugs gently on her denim jacket. 

“You look… great… uh, you look really pretty.” He’s sweet and from everything her brother has told her, he’s a good man. A good  _ person _ who has been through his own version of hell and back and even if it doesn’t go anywhere, it's a relief to know that there’s still that part of herself that can feel those things for another person. She had been terrified for too long that Doug had stolen that from her, too. 

With a grin, she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and, with as much confidence as she can muster, looks him up and down as she tilts her head to the side, “You look great, too.” She’d only ever seen him in his uniform, so the red polo shirt and the tight jeans were… an image to be appreciated, that’s for sure. 

At least it seems her words are enough to shake him from his own awkwardness, gesturing towards the drinks table, “Why don’t I make you one of my famous cocktails? Are you drinking tonight or…” They both look over at her daughter, happily playing with the three boys and Hen, before she glances over at her brother who is no longer holding a bottle of beer but a can of cola instead, her eyes meeting with his as he beams at her. She has no idea how she’d gotten so lucky with him, after everything their parents had put them through. How he turned out to be so good and so kind, she’ll never truly understand. 

“I-I uh, guess I’m drinking.” She finally says, turning her attention to the man as he stands next to her, his hand held out before she gently places her hand in his, giggling when he pulls her towards the makeshift bar. Maybe she could have some fun, there was no harm in trying, right?


	4. Chapter 4

It feels like someone is watching her, she can’t shake the feeling and hasn’t been able to for the last few days. A part of her thinks that maybe it’s just her own paranoia since Chimney had asked on a date. She’s never so much as looked at another man in the five years since she had left her husband and it can’t be a coincidence that the moment she starts to feel as though she could possibly move on with someone, there’s a sense of dread washing over her. 

When Maddie had left Doug, the only intention had been for her unborn child to survive. There was only one thing she knew for certain - the moment Doug found her, he would kill her. And as long as he didn’t know a thing about Isabella, it would be okay. But if he’s watching her, if he’s lurking in the shadows, it means he’s watching her daughter, too and there’s nothing more terrifying than that. Five years she had fought so damn hard to protect that little girl and if it’s all for nothing… she doesn’t know what she’ll do. 

Chimney was good and kind, his smile was bright and his touch felt comforting, safe. She had been free for five years, even if it had never really felt that way and she wanted to be ready more than anything. She wanted to be close to him, she wanted to feel as though she could move on. She loves her brother and her daughter and their little family more than anything but the loneliness can be crushing sometimes. Evan has a life outside of her and Isabella, he seems to be thriving and she’s just stuck in one spot. Wasn’t the point of being free from Doug and that life, was  _ feeling _ free of him? 

Her hands wrap tightly around the hot mug of coffee she holds close to her, the television off, nothing, all the lights off apart from the one shining from the corridor at her daughter’s insistence. Her mind is in overdrive, she can feel that familiar anxiety creeping in when she starts to feel herself settling down, getting too close to people. She’d done it once, when they were in Minnesota for a while; there was a woman there with a son around Isabella’s age and Maddie had gotten too close. She had told her too much and the next thing she knew, she and Buck were packing their bags because she was terrified she had put this poor, unsuspecting woman and her son in danger. 

Was she doing the same to Chimney? Was she meant to just live the rest of her life alone? Wasn’t her brother being near her enough of a risk? Maddie knows that if Doug finds her, it’s not just her he’s going to be angry at because he knows who she left with. He knows that she had given the jeep to her little brother, he knows that she had every intention of going with him but he’d been so confident that he'd literally beaten that out of her that he  _ let _ her seek medical attention the day after. He’d almost killed her. He could have killed Isabella before she even got a chance to be the beautiful, amazing little girl she is today. 

“Hey, what are you doing up? It’s late.” She’s quick to wipe the tears away when she hears the sleep filled voice of her little brother, biting down on her lip as she just stares ahead instead. He’d spent so long running with her, she knows he can’t come with her again, she’s already accepted that if she has to leave LA, it’ll be on her own and that means leaving her daughter and her brother behind where hopefully, they could lead a good life. A life they didn’t have to look over their shoulders all the time because if Buck wasn’t in the way, if he wasn’t trying to protect her, then Doug would have no reason to hurt him. And Isabella would be safe. 

Maddie takes a breath, feeling the couch dip next to her, “I-I think Doug is here.” She finally whispers, not sure why he would be here and not reveal himself to her. “We’ve only been here a few months but this is the longest we’ve stayed anywhere and I think… maybe… he’s… he’s found us. Me. I-I think… Chimney… he asked me out on a date and I said yes and now I think that maybe I made a mistake? Because… maybe I uh, shouldn’t… I shouldn’t… I don’t,” She sighs, still refusing to look at him as he takes the mug from her trembling hands and sets it on the coffee table in front of them. Her chest feels tight, each breath comes out harsher than the last, “I didn’t run for me. I knew what would happen if I left, I-I knew what… danger I was putting myself in and I was happy to take that risk because it meant that my baby could live. So maybe I-I shouldn’t…  _ try _ to have a life, you know? I shouldn’t ever feel free because I’m not. I’m still married to him and it’s selfish, isn’t it? If Doug is here, or if he does come here, it should only be me.” 

He hasn’t said anything yet but his hand moves to rest on top of hers and she finally looks at him, tilting her head to the side as the tears continue to fall before she looks around their apartment. “All of this was for her because I knew if… if she survived the pregnancy with him… she would grow up in a hateful home. I knew she’d grow up scared and with  _ him _ . I ran because she survived that night and I thought I owed it to her to try and make sure she had a good life and I think we… I think we’ve done a good job with her? She’s… she’s so kind, and sweet and loving. She’s a little shy but… when she opens up her heart to someone, she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and that wouldn’t have been possible if she’d grown up in the Kendall house.” It’s with a sad smile that she looks at her brother, turning her hand over in his so she can squeeze his as tightly as she can. 

“I wanted her to grow up with you and if anything happens to me, I know you’ll look after her. I know she will have an amazing life with you and that’s… that’s why I think I should leave. If I stay any longer, I’m getting too comfortable here, I… I’m dragging Chimney into my mess and he has no clue and I’ve already put you in danger. If I leave now, Isabella might not remember me and you… you can bring her up as yours and maybe…” 

“You’re not leaving, Maddie.” He shifts a little closer to her, blue eyes meeting with hers as she gulps, hating how the tears overspill from his eyes, too. “But I do think we need to tell  _ our _ friends the truth. I think we’ve been doing this on our own for so long and we’re both so used to moving from one place to the other without anyone on our side but I think… I think we don’t have to do that anymore. I found your go-bag, I found the letters you’ve written in case you ever have to leave but I’m not going to let you do that to yourself or to me and you are definitely not walking out on that little girl. She will  _ never _ forget you, she absolutely worships the ground you walk on and you cannot walk out on us.” 

He’s shaking beneath her touch until he pulls his hand from her and shifts himself a little closer to her before he gently grabs her face with both hands, forcing her to look at him. “Let’s just say, for a moment, that Doug is here and let’s say he is… waiting to hurt you… okay? There are things we can do to keep you safe but only if you open up to the people who are willing to let us into their lives… into their family, you know? I can try to protect you, Maddie and we have done everything we can since we left Hershey but… I-I think it’s time to not be alone anymore. I think I want to be here… I think we belong here and you are happy. I’ve seen you, especially after the last few weeks… I’ve seen you smile and more since we got to LA than I have in five years, Maddie. I know you think you have to run but I don’t think you want to?” 

Maddie’s entire body trembles as she takes a breath, giving just a small nod of her head, a broken sob falls from her lips. His arms wrap around her, hiding her face in his chest when everything she’d been holding back for so long pours out of her. Fists clench tightly around his top, holding her body as close to his as possible as her brother wraps his arms tight enough around her that she feels that overwhelming sense of safety. She remembers feeling that way when he’d put his hand over hers as they drove away from Hershey, neither of them saying a word to each other but both of them knowing exactly what her running towards his jeep, beaten and bruised with a terrified look on her face, meant. 

. 

His sister falls asleep in his arms after what seems like an eternity. She exhausts herself, each sob racking her body in a way that causes his own tears to fall down his face and a horrific ache in his chest. He wishes he could take it all away from her, and he hates himself for it, but a part of him hopes that Doug is in LA. Because then maybe… if Maddie can survive whatever he has in store for her, it’ll be over. He’s been scared for five years - not for himself, but for the little girl he’s gotten to know and love from the very first second he knew she existed and then for Maddie, his big sister who had been through hell and back. Maddie had spent so long alone with him and he didn’t know the full details, Maddie hadn’t divulged much of the information but it didn’t take a genius. She’d wake up screaming, especially when they had first left, she had flinched just at the mention of his name, always looking over her shoulder, waiting. She was terrified and he could only imagine what the man who was meant to love her had put her through. 

He just hopes his imagination is worse than the reality. Though, considering it’s been five years and the mere mention of his name still brings that look of fear into her eyes… he’s sure his imagination isn’t too far off the mark. 

Getting away from Hershey and from their parents had been a weight lifted from his shoulders and the fact that he had his sister right by his side whilst floating from one place to the next, it had felt good. Until it hadn’t because… running forever isn’t possible. Eventually, they need a home and a family, somewhere that could be theirs with people who could protect them. LA had been a big decision but it was starting to get time for Isabella to start kindergarten and they couldn’t take her from one place to the next anymore. She needed stability and friends and a roof over her head. 

And he was happy and he knows that Maddie is, too but she just struggles with the idea of happiness more so than most because… in her mind, she shouldn’t have lived. In her mind, this wasn’t  _ her _ life to live but it was Isabella’s. He’s worked with Chimney for a few months now and he knows that he’s good and he is kind. There is nobody he would trust more with the two most precious people in his life. He hides his face in her hair as his own tears fall, rubbing her back as he continues to hold her close. 

It’s time. He needs to sit down with the family they’ve forged within the 118, and Athena and they need to be honest. They don’t have to do it alone anymore, people could be fighting right alongside them and he knows, more than anything, that it’s what they need and what Maddie deserves. “Uncle Bucky?” 

He hadn’t even heard her creep into the living room, opening his eyes to glance at the little girl who reminds him so much of his sister. Her long hair is a mess from the few hours of sleep she’s had, her cute bunny pyjamas matching with the bunny she holds in her hand, “Is mommy okay?” 

“No, sweet girl, but she will be.” He reaches out with the hand that isn’t on his sisters back to pull Isabella towards him, smiling when she crawls onto his lap so he can wrap an arm around her too, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

Big, brown eyes look up at him, and he swears, for a moment, it’s like looking at all those photographs he used to look at of Maddie before he was born, biting down on his lip as he stares back at her, “Are we leaving again?” Her bottom lip trembles and his heart breaks for her because she’s four and she shouldn’t know so much turmoil, especially because she doesn’t understand that the only reason any of it is happening in the first place is to keep her safe and hidden from the man in the world who should have loved her the most. The two of them are worth it, though, he’d carry on running if he thought they had to. But they have a home and people and that’s worth holding onto, even if it’s difficult. And then there’s the possibility of something more with someone he’s still getting to know, gulping at the thought.

Buck shakes his head, “We’re not going anywhere, I promise. We’re home, okay? Me, you and mommy, we have a home and a family here and we aren’t leaving ever again.” He shouldn’t promise her that but there’s no way in hell they are letting Doug win anymore. He’s not running and Isabella isn’t growing up without her mother. It doesn’t matter what it takes - he’ll stand in front of his sister and take whatever hit he needs to no matter what. 

“Promise?”

He pulls his arm from around her to hold up his little finger, just as her mother used to do for him when he was Isabella’s age, nodding his head firmly when she wraps her finger around his with a watery smile, “I promise.” 


End file.
